By Nicola Desmond 

Now this might be a tough one for some of you to read, but I think it’s really vital to raise awareness and break the stigma around miscarriage and baby loss.

I personally don’t like the “trigger warning” label that many use on articles like this.

I just don’t like the way it implies this may be too hard for you to read so look away….

Even though it is a traumatic heartbreaking thing, I want to normalise it, so others who have been through it, don’t feel alone.

Although as I said I do appreciate it is an emotional, heavy topic and difficult read for some.

So here goes, 

On Friday 6th March, our world came crashing down…….

The last thing I expected to hear at my 20 week scan was “I’m so sorry there is no heart beat.” 

Shock, frozen I couldn’t move as I lay on the bed looking at the motionless baby on the screen (such a harsh comparison to the last scan where he couldn’t stay still) 

Then come the tears.

Then the questions and guilt, why has this happened? Was it something I did wrong?

The fear, oh my god I’ll have to give birth to my baby. My baby with no heart beat.

How am I going to do this? How do I have the strength to do this!? Breathe. Just breathe.

Be strong for my boys, I told myself. 

We went home that night.

We told our eldest 5 year old son, he asked questions, the same questions we desperately wanted answering….. Why did the baby stop growing mummy? 

He said he felt sad as he really wanted a baby…. He wanted to know if the baby might come back to life; no baby, as your baby brother is now an angel in heaven.

Baby loss shouldn’t  be taboo.

It’s real.

It’s heartbreaking.

And it is devastating.

Whether it’s your first or fifth baby, however far along you were, a loss is a loss. 

There are some wonderful organisations out there to help bereaved parents, such as Tommy’s, 4Louis, SANDS, Aching arms and Saying goodbye ♡