Now this might be a tough one for some of you to read, but I think it’s really vital to raise awareness and break the stigma around miscarriage and baby loss.
I personally don’t like the “trigger warning” label that many use on articles like this.
I just don’t like the way it implies this may be too hard for you to read so look away….
Even though it is a traumatic heartbreaking thing, I want to normalise it, so others who have been through it, don’t feel alone.
Although as I said I do appreciate it is an emotional, heavy topic and difficult read for some.
So here goes,
On Friday 6th March, our world came crashing down…….
The last thing I expected to hear at my 20 week scan was “I’m so sorry there is no heart beat.”
Shock, frozen I couldn’t move as I lay on the bed looking at the motionless baby on the screen (such a harsh comparison to the last scan where he couldn’t stay still)
Then come the tears.
Then the questions and guilt, why has this happened? Was it something I did wrong?
The fear, oh my god I’ll have to give birth to my baby. My baby with no heart beat.
How am I going to do this? How do I have the strength to do this!? Breathe. Just breathe.
Be strong for my boys, I told myself.
We went home that night.
We told our eldest 5 year old son, he asked questions, the same questions we desperately wanted answering….. Why did the baby stop growing mummy?
He said he felt sad as he really wanted a baby…. He wanted to know if the baby might come back to life; no baby, as your baby brother is now an angel in heaven.
Baby loss shouldn’t be taboo.
And it is devastating.
Whether it’s your first or fifth baby, however far along you were, a loss is a loss.
There are some wonderful organisations out there to help bereaved parents, such as Tommy’s, 4Louis, SANDS, Aching arms and Saying goodbye ♡