By Lesya Jan
I had it all, dream job, career and the guy that I was madly in love with. My sudden pregnancy threatened it all. No, I have never considered a termination, but I was petrified of all the changes that lay ahead.
Thirteen years ago, I didn’t know what it’s like to love a child. I couldn’t imagine that watching someone sleep can give you sense of calmness and completeness. I couldn’t foresee the future and I was scared. I was scared of being not good enough, of being a bad mum. Scared of not finding a good nursery, spoiling my career, losing my figure. This list can go on and on.
And then I met my baby boy… The world turned upside-down. I loved him instantly, unconditionally and for as long as I will live. He was perfect! He was the best-looking baby in the whole world and he was mine.
This is not it! Something else happened in that delivery room. I was re-born. I was no longer just an accountant, a Head of Finance, a career woman, a wife, above all I was a mum.
From that movement onwards, all decisions that I would make would consider the impact on my son. I was responsible for someone else. I was raising another human. I was raising a man and I was determined to raise a good one.
I managed to continue working and doing a job I love. Of course, there were hard times, like dropping him off at the nursery and driving off as he stood in the window waving goodbye and crying his eyes out. Sleeping on the wooden floor next to his cot because he was having a bad dream and then surviving on coffee the following day. Not sleeping at all, because he was poorly and still going about my business in the morning. But I made it through, and so did many other mums, because there are moments that make it all worth it.
Children don’t make life difficult. Children make life full and interesting. Children give us strength and courage, teach us to be responsible and remind us that life is not just about career and paying bills.
I wish I knew all this thirteen years ago. I wish someone would have told me that it’s ok to be scared.
To all the mums, expectant, new and old troopers – you are simply the best! Reminds yourself each and every day that you are AMAZING! Trust me, you will always find a way to do whatever you want and to make your dreams come true.