My pregnancy journey was a very happy, active one; however, during its last month I felt so down that I thought could it be depression? But then I was like, naaahh I’m just exhausted! ..
The moment I laid my eyes on Maryam I felt so much love my heart couldn’t contain.. 2nd night in hospital, I cried my heart out at night knowing that I don’t feel mentally well.. Months passed and still I didn’t feel well.. Maryam was & still is a silent reflux and a hip dysplasia baby & parents having those babies know how stressful it can be! But, it wasn’t about this or the sleepless nights. Knowing myself I felt that something isn’t right…
A flat line of life, that’s how I felt.. I felt bad finding the journey of motherhood not magical as I expected it to be, I felt guilty for thinking I shouldn’t have got myself into this.. I felt that I just want to walk away and go back to my normal life and career.. My relationship with my husband shifted and it was overwhelming for me to accept too! I felt that I needed to be asked, are you ok? After so many heart-to-heart conversations I realized that postpartum depression is real & there’s nothing wrong in speaking up.. So I did! 4 months into therapy and refusing to get into the tunnel of medication, I started to gradually feel better.. Mental health controls our vital functions.. It’s a shame to be judged instead of being offered help.. And above all it’s poisonous to believe what we see on social media as it reflects 1% of the reality of motherhood..
There’s no perfect model of a mother & I’m realizing there’s no need to put pressure on myself. Maryam wouldn’t notice if the house looks like a tornado had hit it or even if I look like I was hit by one; she’d just notice how happy I am & the smile I put on her, how encouraging I am & milestones we achieve. I’m not a bad mother if I take an hour for myself to relax and unwind in any way I choose! The love I feel at the end of the day when we have a blast in the shower & then she lays her head on my shoulder and falls asleep is the reason I exist..
Nothing I do in life will be as great as being a mother; our children are our greatest accomplishment.
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