The journey of a working mom
Although I was jumping up and down when I found out that I am pregnant but at the same time I had this feeling in the back of my head that I have to go back to work after my baby is born and I will have to keep her with a caregiver.
The days went by, my baby was born and we cherished every moment together during my maternity leave, snuggling and cuddling nonstop, sometimes I caught myself staring at her angelic face when she is asleep, following her rhythmic breathe, smiling at this little perfect human that I made, reminiscing they days when I used to feel her little kicks in my belly and now she is just here, like a dream, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, even more beautiful than what I had imagined.
When Maternity leave came to an end
Soon enough my maternity leave came to an end and it was time for me to be separated from my baby for few hours daily. This was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in my entire life. Leaving this little baby asleep, safe and sound and leave to go to work. Every morning when I went out of the door my heart broke into pieces. I couldn’t stop thinking about how disappointed she will feel when she wakes up and I am not there to caress her and hold her, she’ll be missing me, she might even think that I left her, she’ll feel so lonely.
My heart was heavy with all these thoughts wandering in my mind, I couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down my eyes. There wasn’t a minute that passed by without me thinking of my baby and feeling guilty that I am not there to feed her, play with her and put her down for her naps.
The Mom Guilt
Day by day my baby started to grow, she started to show her emotions and feelings more when I left which made me feel more anxious. Even though I was very quiet at waking up and getting ready in the mornings in order not to wake her up from her restful sleep but nonetheless most of the time she used to wake up, as if she felt that I was about to sneak out, her little eyes staring at me filled with emotions made leaving even harder for me. I know that the aura has changed and mothers are expected to go back to work, but for me going back truly felt like I am leaving a part of me at home, a part of me that makes it hard for me to breathe. What if it’s not just my baby who needs me, what if I need her too, emotionally and physically, I need her snuggles, her little hands playing with my hair and her sweet toothless smiles and giggles.
I would like to take this opportunity to reach all the working moms out there and tell them that I do know exactly how you feel and it hurts, maybe on the long run we will get used to it but now it is too painful, but despite this pain, the most rewarding feeling in the world is when your baby welcomes you back every day with the most genuine reactions and smiles, showing you that she missed you too and that she was longing for your hug all the time you were away, makes it much better.
Read more about real stories from working moms