By Lucy Simona
I Am a mom, I am a wife, I am a daughter, I am a friend.. who am I?Thoughts of a mom who had lost herself and found again
I Miss being Me
Believe me, I love being a mom more than anything else in this world, but I also miss being me. I miss late night walks with my husband, thinking about what I need to take with me from makeup when I go out instead of bottles and diapers, toys and formulas, clothes and pacifiers. I miss taking shower when I want to, I miss sleeping through the night and waking up on my own, when the sun hits my eyes or when I feel his touch on my cheek, instead of feeling the beautiful scent of my baby’s diaper with the only thing touching my face in the morning being her tiny foot. Not that romantic right?
Nobody prepared me for it
We mommies are not prepared for this, no one tells us this from the beginning. I feel there should be classes in school for girls to understand and be prepared for what’s coming, as the struggle is real. Reality hits you like tons of bricks, one at a time. Exhausted and emotionally drained, sleep deprived, self conscious about my body changes and with the only makeup I wear nowadays; the dark circles under my eyes. Who am i?
How I started appreciating my own mother
Having a baby made me appreciate my mom and the struggles she went through more. I started to understand the meaning of her words that once I didn’t give importance to. I became more attentive and caring towards her. She is my hero, my role model, caring mother, grandma, friend, auntie. She is absolutely amazing. Who am i?
Marriage after having a baby
My relationship with my husband changed dramatically. It became more strong yet more forgiving, more appreciative yet more demanding, more sensual yet more practical. Did the sparkle go? Absolutely not. It transformed, yes, but it’s still there. And now more than ever I am sure it won’t disappear until we are there for each other, until we are making an effort, until we are present. I love him now more than ever. He is strong, caring, reliable and compassionate. Who am i?
I started looking for my old self and just couldn’t ..
It’s hard to peel under all these layers to find the old me. I know that she is there, I feel her, and she needs me. I have so many questions to ask her, so many things to understand , but after an exhausting day the only thing I am able to do is to hug her and tell her that I am there for her too.
And she understands, as she always does. Did she change? What does she feel? What does she want? What does she like now and what she doesn’t? Well, I am not sure. But that’s ok. She will understand, as she always does. And maybe in all of this beautiful chaos, in the storms of my crazy daily routine and endless responsibilities when I completely lost her, that’s the moment when I truly found her, deep inside, more powerful, more strong, more smart, more giving, more caring.
I found a better version of myself instead
She changed and I embrace it, I am proud of what she became… gentle, sensitive, forgiving, protective, with not the perfect body as before, totally different priorities, messy mum hair, in yesterday’s pyjamas and with the hope in her eyes that this is the day, the day I will be able to take a shower. She is a blessed mom, beloved wife, thankful daughter and caring friend. This is who I am now!
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