By Aden Eyob
Author of The Book On Mind Training
The adage ‘A mother’s work is never done has been overused over the years as the basis for mothers neglecting self-care and boundaries. Furthermore, it validates the notion that a mother’s needs are not more important than her children and partner’s. Although the saying may have the good intention of a selfless, caring mother, the reality that a mother’s work is ‘never done’ is detrimental to the mindset as its setting dangerous precedence of perfectionism and unrealistic demand on time and resources.
Which leads me to the central point of mindset, and why is it essential to begin with?
Why Having a Positive mindset is essential
Mindset is its simple terms: the mental framework comprising your thoughts, emotions, value system, and behaviours. It is foundational for learning and personality development.
In essence, who you are is a direct reflection of your mindset. Not only that, but it’s the most critical factor influencing your success, whether that’s your personal, professional, or motherhood desires.
Having a positive mindset is essential, and more so as a mother, and here’s why:
Developing Healthy Self-Esteem:
A positive mindset helps to develop healthy self-esteem and a view of the world. An essential tool that affects your daily self-dialogue reinforces your most personal beliefs, attitudes, and feelings about yourself.
It all starts with you, not your husband, children, or others. When you begin to cultivate positive thoughts about yourself, you will start to feel good about yourself and, in turn, attract the behaviours and situations that validate your initial ideas. Motherhood is a rollercoaster ride, but you have what it takes to ride the waves when you believe in yourself first.
No matter what you do as a mother, it may seem never to be enough with the mounting demands of activity waiting for your attention, the laundry, school drop-offs, and pick-up, coordinating playdates, cleaning the house, the list is endless, the path to your success and wellbeing is never smooth.
This is where mindset plays a critical role. Adversity tests one’s mettle to the core, especially with this unique pandemic season. After facing extreme hardship, you may feel justified in succumbing to defeat and allowing negative thoughts to seep in, telling you that you are not doing enough, or worse yet, that you are not a good mother.
Yet, the capacity to move through the pressures of motherhood, anxiety, overwhelm, getting knocked down, and not knocked outcomes from the power of building a resilient mindset.
Formulating a Winning Motherhood Perspective:
In the words of Tony Robbins, ‘nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning we give it. The truth is that mindset has everything to do with perspectives. Your foundational beliefs, attitudes, and biases naturally affect how you process information and experience the world of motherhood around you. Having an optimistic mindset increases the likelihood of formulating a winning perspective and living in the present moment.
Even if things are messy around the house, you have the choice to appreciate the beauty in disarray. Still, it comes down to the mental meaning you ascribe to the situation. The same can be said in your work life, creativity, health, and relationships. Change the unhelpful perspective and watch the situation improve.
Are you thinking, sounds great, but how do I develop a healthy mindset?
As a mother, a healthy mindset is vital for overcoming obstacles, balancing the demands on your time while still creating room for your self-care and wellbeing. One of the ways to develop harmony is to cultivate a calm mind.
A calm mind is a frequency in which clarity is found and the ability to reason. A calm mind also brings forth creativity, confidence, productivity, and results. A calm mindset is a key to living in the flow state and tapping into wellbeing.
Although there are many ways to attain a calm mind and living in a flow state, here are some tools that will get you going:
Tools & Tips To Attain A Calm Mind & Living In A Flow State
Daily rituals (AM/PM PowerHabits): your everyday routine influences your mindset and outcomes. It creates mind-body-spirit alignment, which is vital for unlocking awareness and the psychology of excellence—as such, making time in the morning and night for yourself is fundamental for getting through the day as a mother.
Start by doing some reflection and thinking of simple activities to support your mind, body, and spirit. Assign 5 minutes to each activity, so with 15 minutes total, you have a ritual that will get you on the track to wellbeing.
It’s essential to do the same at night so that you have what I call a ‘calm sandwich – taking care of yourself in the morning, dealing with the days challenges and then returning to yourself at night and getting ready for good night sleep, which will pay itself forward in the morning when you arise refreshed and ready to take on the day. A simple habit you can start with for your mind is practicing binaural beats meditation. This sound wave mediation requires you to listen using headphones. It’s especially great for managing stress, anxiety, depression, and cultivating creativity, grounding, and happiness. InsightTimer is a great free and paid app with a collection of binaural beats depending on your desired focus area; pick your intention and get the beats.
Self-Talk/surrender statements: how you talk to yourself will impact your mindset, mood, and wellbeing. Introducing identity-based self-talk and affirmation are simple yet effective methods to change unhelpful subconscious behaviours.
The key is stating your affirmation with I AM…for what you say after this; with time, you will become. Moreover, adopt surrender or release practices for what you resist persist. For example, suppose you are experiencing challenges with letting go of control. In that case, you can practice daily surrender/release affirmation by stating, ‘I surrender/release the need to be in control of my mother duties for I am fully supported.’
Boundaries of Love: your time matters. Work with your partner and children to establish house rules, chores, and self-care time. When everyone knows your limits and vice versa, you allow the room for mutual respect, love, and life in a flow state.
Thoughts + Emotion = Behaviour
Remember, your thoughts determine your feelings which in turn determine your behaviour and outcome. So the next time you catch yourself behaving in a way you do not like, ask yourself what thoughts have entered into my mind and challenge yourself to change the ideas, which will change your feelings and result in a better behaviour or outcome.
For more mindset tips, tools and inspiration, check out my book, The Book on Mind Training: The Secret for Positive Living on Amazon.