Do you remember that feeling after giving birth? Do you remember feelings of joy, happiness and confidence? The confidence is so big, all the world could hear you: “If I can give birth to this little human there is nothing in this world that can stop me.”
Does Confident mother means confident child?
Somehow over the months and years of motherhood we tend to forget how much confidence we have, actually.
My goal is to make these feelings alive and make them bloom in you again.
Pregnancy and motherhood had a big impact one me personally. After decade of working in field of Special Education, being a mother myself I decided to change my career and support other moms, to make them feel better, to communicate better with their family members, to empower them and to say this:
Whatever you are going through, other moms have already experienced the same.
For me, working as a Life coach I noticed one thing, common for all moms:
Every mom regardless of what goals have been set for her child, wants one thing – a happy and confident child.
Yet sometimes, from excess worrying, living abroad far from family, lack of support and due to financial pressure, mothers might unconsciously transmit their feelings onto the child.
How can the child be confident if the mom lives in fear?
Confidence comes from our beliefs, our experience, the way we grow, how we were raised. These feelings have deep roots inside of us and it is not an easy job to change our self-esteem, our values, and beliefs. It takes a lot of effort, time and feeling recognition.
I would say, without self-awareness of our beliefs and feelings, we will not be able to change our behaviour. We will raise our children in the same manner we have been raised.
It means, from parents who are raised in the way that they don’t show emotions, they will raise their children who will also think that you should keep emotions for yourself.
If parents are thinking how only if you finish a university degree you are worth it, children will always feel pressure during school days, and think how they are worth nothing if they don’t have good grades.
The impact of limiting your beliefs as a mom
If we are living with limiting beliefs we can be easily triggered by other’s behavior, often stressed, sad and worried. We might feel that something is always out of our reach. Impact of this will not be just mirrored on our relationship with our partner, but it will also have consequences on our child’s feelings and behavior, his/hers future self-esteem and beliefs.
Getting rid of limiting beliefs is a good start and it will give us courage to take further steps.
Being the best role model for your children
As parents we want the best for our children and their future, don’t we? So it is important to know how mother’s feelings affect a child’s behaviour and what we can do to be – The best role model for our child.
Children always look at our body language, our behaviour, as little detectives they listen to our conversations and the way how we treat others.
Understanding our impact on a child's behaviour
The easiest example to understand our impact on a child’s behaviour is provided in the following:
- Remember when you want just 5 min of quiet time, you are on an important phone call, you are becoming stressed and you keep telling your child to be quiet, easy, let mommy do this. What happened? Your child is becoming stressed as well, but as a child he/she will demonstrate it as being louder, jumping, laughing and running around. Your child will do everything possible just to get your attention and comfort.
- For children it is hard to articulate and to recognize feelings inside them. They are not able to express themselves and often because of this fact their behaviour parents misunderstood as naughty, hyperactive, inappropriate etc.
- If we are anxious about our next meeting, if we are shy about public speaking, if we don’t like changing our routine and to go out from our comfort zone; Our child might avoid participating in new school projects, avoid trying new things, such as games, new food, swimming, making new friends, or sleeping without you. He or she will feel insecure and unsafe.
Steps towards feeling confident, stronger & fearless as a mom
Ask for help!
Face your fears and anxiety!
Go out of your comfort zone!
Every week try something new, like a new restaurant, new hobby, and new activity with kids.
4. Pay attention to the way you talk!
Even when you think your child is playing he/she doesn’t listen, nope they hear everything.
Try first intentionally until it becomes very natural, to avoid words such as I don’t, I can’t, I am tired, I am nervous, this is boring, I have bad feelings and try to avoid negation and talk about disease, accidents, work and stress.
5. Share your feelings!
Give your child examples so they understand you better like, making new friends can be hard for you; mom felt the same when she started new job, but you know what now I love all my colleagues,
Or going to the doctor can be scary; mom feels the same, however the doctor is here to help us to be healthy and strong.
Try to talk with your child about the way you feel, adapt your language for the child’s age, talk about problems and find positive conclusions
Don't forget dear moms
You are not alone and for your child you are the most important person in the world, so give yourself permission to try something different, to try something new, to laugh out loud and make good memories, do it today as a confident mom and confident child.